My Son The Sword Swallower

This evening at about 5.10 pm Niels, our 6 year old, walked up to me with a stricken look on his face. "My throat it's a bit...well I can feel it...I didn't mean to....I swallowed a sword".

Now my kids have been known to tell a few tall tales in their time - everything from jet fighters flying past the windows to the mess in their room being made by little green monsters who came running out of the closet - but I could see that Niels was serious.

"You've swallowed what?"

"A sword"

And indeed he had. A Playmobile sword to be exact, the kind that comes with those little vikings and knights with the warning not to give to children under THREE YEARS OLD due to them containing small parts. And now one of those parts was heading south down my 6 year old sons gullet. I looked down his throat - nothing.

"I can feel it down here now" he whimpered, tears welling up in his eyes and pointing to his upper chest.

Shit.

Wihtin 10 minutes I'd rung a taxi, found an identical plastic sword to show to the doctor, shoved 4 peanut butter sandwiches and a bottle of water in my bag (it was almost dinner time and Carl was bound to start yelling for food), turned off said dinner (which was going to be slow roasted New Zealand lamb shanks in a creamy tomato and red pepper sauce, 'sigh') and headed downstairs. Stuffed kids etc into taxi and headed for the KK Womens and Childrens Hospital which is conveniently located 5 minutes away down Bukit Timah road. We're familiar with this place becuase Carl needed four stitches in his chin after falling by the pool last year...but that's another story.

Tried to ring hubby: mobile phone suddenly on the blink. Shit shit shit. Tried texting, that still worked:

[off to hospital niels swallowed playmobile sword]

Almost reached the hospital when hubby's frantic text came back:

[which hospital??]

Now something you have to know about Singapore's health system is that their hospitals are BRILLIANT. We took a number and less than five minutes later were being whizzed through triage by a masked nurse who bribed Carl into silence with lollies while trying not to smile at Niels predicament. I popped over to the desk next door to pay ($75), then back to the triage nurse who handed me a form she'd conveniently filled in for me in the mean time, then it was into the x-ray department next door (no waiting) for a quick x-ray. Out again in less than 5 minutes (yes really), then asked politely to wait until our number flashed up on a screen. Taking a breather on a plastic chair I texted hubby again:

[dont panic niels needs xray he feels fine]

Phone still not allowing me to make calls, shit shit shit shit.

No response from hubby, so I'm soon having visions of him hurtling along the rain soaked roads and crashing into a lamp post...there's our number so we're whizzed in to see a doctor who points to Niels x-ray hanging on the light box on the wall.

"Are you sure he swallowed something?" he asks suspiciously. The x ray shows no foreign objects, and is especially empty of sharp pointy bits of sword shaped plastic. Shit shit shit shit shit.

I take a long look at Niels, and he looks back at me. "Yes he really swallowed it."

The doctor heads off to consult the head physician on duty then comes back with the final verdict: take him home, give him dinner, bring him back in one hour.

Hubby turned up about then, sans lamp post, and we head home. At the moment Niels is peacfully asleep in bed and we are officially on poo duty. Yes, he is expected to pass said sword within the next 52 hours, so guess who will get the lovely job of searching for the missing sword amongst you-know-what?

Shit shit shit shit shit.