Looking On The Bright Side

I've always felt it helps to have a positive outlook on life. They say that positive people get sick less often, recover faster when they do, and generally lead happier lives so that's something good we can always strive to. However sometimes it can mask the way you really feel about something. When I was speaking to a friend lately she said something that really stuck in my mind. "But you sound like you're always having a great time and it's a bit of a piss off".
Flicking back through my blog entries I can see she is absolutely right. It seems that I only ever write about the interesting, funny, or enjoyably unusual things that happen in our lives. Partly this is out of respect for the country and culture where we are, of course, only guests. Partly it's because I suppose I have an in-built resistance to sharing the depressing, mundane, annoying and downright shitty moments, days or events that happen to us. Who wants to read about when I've had a bad day? If you've gone to the effort to read this blog, why should you be subjected to bad news? And largely it's because it takes a very conscious effort to make the most of an ex-pat assignment. The main reason for assignments failing is not because the employee (in this case hubby) doesn't like the job but because his/her family doesn't adjust. Stories of failed assignments because the spouse hates the country or the kids can't adjust are common and you have to put in 100% from day one to make damn sure you won't become one of the those.
Truth be told there are many less than fabulous moments to living an ex-pat life. Our families are far, far away, as are all the long term friendships we treasure so dearly. Nothing reminds me quite how far away they all are than a week when the kids have been driving me utterly bat-shit and I long to be able to drop them with a grandparent for a day (or even better, overnight!) and get some breathing space. They've also become quite clingy since we've lived here, especially Carl (4 1/2 years) who has grown up to expect that Mum will be there all day, every day, and becomes extremely jealous of anyone with whom I have a conversation of more than ten minutes.
We also don't know how long this posting in Singapore is going to last. Originally we were told 14 months, 16 tops. Now two years and two months down the track our apartment lease has expired, our landlord decided to pitch us out by the end of the month and we are, for all intents and purposes, homeless as of 1 November. Whether we find somewhere we can live week-by-week, perhaps month-by-month, until we finally leave remains to be seen but I can assure you it's extremely stressful. Worst case scenario is that the kids and I will have to leave the country without hubby, for God knows how long. Nothing sharpens your focus like the prospect of having your family split up.
Meanwhile there are other issues clamouring for our attention. My rabbits, long and lovingly looked after by my good friend Liesbeth, need to be rehomed and that is a challenge from the other side of the planet. Fortunately more good friends have stepped up to help me out (a whole team in fact, thanks a million!) and the problem has been solved.
We've got an empty house sitting waiting for us, gardens that need caring for, a job I can't fill and for which I still can't give a firm starting date, schools that are wondering what the hell we are doing with our kids and not to mention the removal company which rings me every week to demand "don't you have a date yet???"
My Dutch driving licence has expired and I swear if I have to go through that whole Dutch driving test experience again I'm going to drive straight over the top of the next 'ambtenaar' I meet.
Every second phone call ends up with a long and repetitive conversation about whether we are or aren't leaving soon. We can't plan any holiday or time off or even buy tickets to a show because we don't know which country we will be living in next month. Friends organising a party? Sounds great, but don't count on us, we may not live here by then. Christmas with family, what a great idea, but which country will we be in by then? When we leave our apartment for alternative accommodation such as a serviced apartment in two weeks time we can't even ship our belongings home because of the way the law works: if we don't leave the country, neither can our stuff. Endless streams of paperwork follow us wherever we go, folders four inches thick of documents and paper trails must be lugged along wherever we move. Have you got copies of all your documents, have you backed up every important email, letter and certificate in your life not once, but twice plus made hard copies in case something goes wrong like we've had to? Ever wondered what it's like trying to pay taxes for two people in two countries and have you any idea how much paper work children entail? Can you imagine the frustration and dozens of hours of work involved when your health insurance company makes an enormous cock up and refuses to pay any of your family's health care bills for eight months like ours did, and you have to sort it our from the other side of the planet? How do you get your car serviced? What happens when a tree in your garden falls over and how should you respond when complete strangers email you asking if they can live in your empty house?
At the end of the day it's been a great experience and we wouldn't have missed it for the world, but no, it's not all plain sailing, it's not all fun, and it's not all easy. It's just life, intensified by a factor of ten. With an equatorial twist.