Big Cahoonas

OK I know we’ve been back from Bintan for a week already, but it’s SCHOOL HOLIDAYS over here. Anyone who knows me at all knows that these can be difficult times to cope with. Thank God school starts back on Monday, because I need a break!
Before that though I want to tell you about one of the highlights of our stay in Bintan, Indonesia. All my life I have wanted to ride on an elephant and I finally got my chance at Bintan Elephant Park, just a hair-raising bone jolting stomach churning half hour trip over bumpy dirt roads in a speeding minivan that felt about as safe as a rocket propelled beer can. For the return trip we were in a full-sized bus which was a great relief until we started moving and realised that the same driver was in charge, only he now had a bigger engine, could only find two crunching gears and apparently felt that survival of the fittest was the only road code required. As we were grimly holding on in the back seat we really worked up some g-forces and given the huge swing we made around the final bend, we arrived at our destination sometime after the rest of the passengers.
I digress. The elephants were marvellous. Now I know that there are debates about these types of places. Are the animals being exploited? Is it demeaning for an animal which is probably more intelligent that some people I’ve met to be coerced into doing tricks, giving tourists rides, and posing for photos? I can’t answer that question but I can say that in exchange for a gentle one-hour show each day these seven elephants (4 females, 3 males) were well fed, seemed happy, and got to live in a social unit with a good level of care. I was so excited, and I was really hoping that the kids would get the same thrill of being up close to such large, majestic, gentle creatures, whose wrinkled faces seem timeless and wise and who, although they could crush us in a second, instead are friendly and seem to respond to our voices.
And indeed, the elephants did make an impression on the kids. As the boys were sitting on the leg of one posing for the first photo it broke wind, loudly. Peals of laughter, pointing fingers and: “The elephant farted! Really LOUD, did you hear that it FARTED!” was screamed at the top of their little lungs. OK, not quite the awesome first impression I’d hoped for, but we persevered. We had ample opportunity before the show to walk amongst the elephants and pat them and one of the large males was very relaxed, as it demonstrated by um…..letting it all hang out. Literally.
Carl put his hands on his hips, bent over almost double for a better look then pointed and yelled to anybody who would listen “what a big PENIS!”
By now the other visitors were starting to chuckle a bit as well. Probably they were all thinking the same thing but only a three year old had the cahoonas to say it. With a fixed smile and me still muttering about magnificent beasts, highly intelligent, feelings of awe etc etc we took our places. The elephants walked in single file, their handlers standing on the backs. And of course, one had a dump just as it entered. A staff member hurried out with a bucket and spade. Niels took one look and yelled “Oooooooh he’s picking up POO!” More giggles and sniggers and all attempts at instilling a sense of awe in my children was abandoned. For the rest of the show Holger did his World’s Best Daddy impression by volunteering to be walked over by an elephant (see left), helping both boys to play football with one (above left), even disco dancing with the boys amongst the elephants, and we all had a ride. But at the end of the day, when Carl was snuggled up in bed with his arm around my neck in a headlock having a last cuddle, what was his final comment about the magnificent beasts at the elephant park?
“He had a really big penis, didn’t he Mummy!”